Dammit! just cut out my tongue!

I can't believe that at my age I don't have a better grip on this mouth of mine. I really don't intend to hurt the ones I love with my bluntness ... but it often times does.

A coupld weeks ago when my Dad called he kept asking when we would be coming home again. I guess I was in a mood that day because I said I didn't know when we would be coming back up that way again. I should've stopped at that - but nooooooooooooo I had to put some zinger bullshit in there and continued to say:

"If PA comes back for her 50th birthday then we'll probably make a trip up there so we can see her too. But if she doesn't come back this summer, I doubt that we'll be coming home this year. I lived in California for 12 years and we had four visitors from Iowa in that entire time - you and mom came once. Do you recall how many trips we made back and forth from California? or how many we've made since we moved to the Ozarks 2 years ago?
I figure it's just as far from my house to yours as it is from yours to mine -- so no, I don't see us coming back up there any time soon."

He's 83 years old for crissakes! Do I really expect him to drive 12 hours to come down here?
Goddamn I'm a mean spiteful bitch some days.
Please God - don't turn me into to my mother just to get even with me.

But this is exactly the kind of thing she would say/do.

DAMMIT! I've got to get a grip on this because it's just so hurtful towards someone that has loved me all my life.

Sometimes it sucks to be outspoken.